The result of this thinking is that I never pray for pretty much anything, because I can always find a way that it can't fit into the natural domino-effect of the world in the moment of praying. I also practically feel that God does not care enough to do miracles for me, so I don't ask for them. I certainly don't really believe in His power to do above and beyond the laws of cause and effect (it applies to mental states, too... I try to ask for just the next step, instead of my own end goal).
Perhaps relatedly, or separately, it seems to me a truly sinful thought to think that God doesn't have power to do whatever He pleases. And only good things please Him.
Let it sink in... see if it is true.
I am truly blessed to hear your thoughts and to contemplate your questions. Jesus has come close to me in my times of feeling inadequate and disconnected from others. He knows my every thought and longing, my every fear and grief without me uttering a single word in prayer, but I have felt His delight in my pouring my heart out to Him, A puddle on the floor I have been in His presence. He has comforted me by speaking truth to my soul.
ReplyDeleteAs if turning my face toward Him He told me that He knew I am constantly grading myself and giving failing grades in every category. He told me the truth that I needed: “Of course you are depressed and sad when you look at yourself; you will never not fall short. If you could be perfect I came and lived the perfect life the laid it down because you never could. Keep looking to Me for your value. You are perfect in Me”
(First off: sorry I missed your post for so incredibly long! Blogger was not notifying me on comments.)
DeleteThis is so beautiful. It is exactly so: as long as we look at ourselves as if we ought to be perfect, we will be discouraged. We weren't meant to navel-gaze: we were meant to look at Christ and be moved to joy and hope.
You raise the question of how we should understand "Ask and you shall receive" I do believe God answers these requests but sometimes on his own timeline versus our agenda. And sometimes I feel he answers what the Holy Spirit hears: the groanings of our spirit.
ReplyDelete(Sorry for missing this- Blogger was not notifying me on comments.)
DeleteIndeed He answers things in his good time... He knows when the things would be best for us, and we do not. And yes- the groanings of the spirit! This was an idea I was latching onto some years ago to comfort myself.