Fear of God and His Glory

Is our fear of God about His glory? Are we terrified of the expansiveness and greatness of His glory, His beauty? Are we terrified of encountering the True One, the only Person who is Perfect and True, the only One with integrity, the only One who is consistent, the only One who cannot lie, and to Whom all lies are the greatest affront? Are we terrified of seeing our depravity thrown naked by seeing the perfectness of Him? The contrast between Him and our state would humble us. We do not like really to be told we are wrong. It’s a little easier to bear being shown wrong by imperfect humans; there we have the gratification of knowing that they’re not all they’re cracked up to be, either- in them we see ourselves, which is perhaps one reason why when they show themselves better than we ourselves, we are resentful of it, and angry at ourselves- they shouldn’t be any better than we are. But when we are faced with the Perfect, we have no escape in judging that One, except in a rebellious, temperamental fit.

We can try to show Him that He should have made a better world, a world where no evil can be (but then we would have no free will, which we’d mind if we hadn’t lost our free will in that world). We try to judge Him- we try to say, why does He allow evil? Why did He do this to me? Why is my life a horror? But it seems all that we want to do is to find something that can humble Him so that He seems less of a contrast with ourselves. We just want to find out that He is not worthy of praise- He is not actually Beauty and Goodness.

Of course this comes from a Christian who believes that we are always trying to resist God in a desire to preserve our high view of ourselves. It all sounds very judgemental of our resistance of Him, as if it is wrong to ask the question of why there is evil, but that is not what I mean- there is a difference between asking that question, and acting like a spoilt child where the existence of evil is an affront against you alone.

Epektasis, Desire of Beauty

Here is my attempt to summarise this idea which I have just been exposed to in reading the book quoted below by Stephen Turley:

Epektasis is from Paul in Philippians 3:13 (translated ‘reaching’ in some versions), the idea seemingly developed by Gregory of Nyssa to describe our desire (reaching) to be filled with God’s infinite, unceasing beauty (glory, perhaps one could say light or brightness as well?), therefore for that desire to be fulfilled in God, and the fulfillment of the soul’s desire for perfection (?). After the soul is filled with some of this glory, the satisfaction draws us to desire even more of it (since God’s glory is infinite, it can do this), and we keep desiring, hoping, in a constant eros for God, a desire for union with Him Who is the Giver of our being and beauty, and the Giver of the being and beauty of all of creation. We want to be united with the Source, to gloriously enjoy the richness, comfort, excitement of that Source.

Hence, for Gregory, this epektasis, this eternal traversing of God’s infinity, involves an eternal communion with the God revealed in Christ, who is the self-replenishing fountain of love and delight, an infinite sea of absolute Beauty.

- from Awakening Wonder: A Classical Guide to Truth, Goodness and Beauty by Stephen R. Turley, PhD

This is the thing I have felt as desiring to get into beauty (I believe I got this phrase from C. S. Lewis's The Weight of Glory), to somehow pass through that barrier between the tantalising experience of something beautiful and the actual beauty itself.

On Liberty, License and Self-government

Here is an article my mother shared to me when I was discussing how the libertarian idea of freedom/liberty is not the same as the conservative view (what I take to be that, at least).

This is a subject that comes up to me all the time- the question of whether we should just do as we please if it doesn't harm anyone else, and therefore we shouldn't tell others not to do as they please because it won't harm us. But how can one know, not being omniscient, that it doesn't harm anyone else? And does this really work in a society- will the society remain orderly, or will there be chaos? Is it good for us to think this way, and is it good for us to merely do whatever we please if we can't see there are any negative consequences? And the circle goes around again- how can we know there are no negative consequences to us? It is exactly the kind of reasoning a child would use that we teach them out of at least in more obvious circumstances, but consider how we may be just as much children in more adult matters (as we grow, our responsibilities grow with us).

Dystopian Stories as Propaganda?

Are dystopian tales to some extent pushing us towards a view of the world as systems overruling man's original goodness (humanism)? So often dystopian stories bother me at a fundamental level- the level of assumptions of how the world works. It has seemed to me that they are pushing one towards an evolutionary view of social progress, as if we are doomed if we don't adopt certain apparently moral views of society-structure.

I can understand the explanation that dystopian stories are to make us face the ultimate depravity of existence, but the biggest element in much of dystopian story seems to be that there isn't really right and wrong- the eradication of moral outrage. It's as if (at least some) dystopian stories refuse you the right as a reader to react emotionally to what is happening. Really, it's all just so. Nihilism. That is the ultimate depression of our hearts- at least when there is outrageous evil, you have a sense that there is also the opposite. But denying the possibility of evil is also denying the possibility of good- numbing our senses to evil is numbing our senses to good.

But there is a lot more to this, and I am guessing my question may seem to come out of thin air, rather than having a factual basis in what dystopian stories are really like. Regardless, many of them have a sense of really losing oneself into industry and the machinery of society and existence- they seem to divest reality of any colour, feeling, meaning. I believe ultimately they divest reality of truth. There are many reasons why someone might write a story like this; it could be propaganda for many purposes, potentially, but that is the question: is the dystopian story fad a result of humanism and the subsequent philosophical ideas that sprang from it, or is it merely a progression of the human mind, exploring ultimate depravity (you might say)- the loss of meaning in existence?

I tend to think the fad is definitely the result of recent philosophies, philosophies that are fundamentally false. Of course, we should still ask the questions they by their very substance pose to us.

Prayer - an Amazing Gift

That God would wish us to ask Him for things, that He might give them to us! Think of our great poverty of asking God for things... we fear that we will not get, we fear that we do not deserve, we fear that our silly little desires might not be what God would desire. When we do ask, we bribe, and we water down our desires. We do not let our true yearnings and longings come to God- we are ashamed of ourselves... ashamed of our impatience and our dissatisfaction. But why so? If we are ashamed of what is in our hearts, God already knows it. 'Thou hast searched me and known me.' Humble yourself; tell Him what you want. Boldly face your shame. Spill forth your longings- know that God wishes you to yearn for His help. He will give you what is Good.

Pride and Fear of Man

Can we be proud and fear others at the same time?

Perhaps one is both because of the other. Because of one's pride, one's high opinion of self, one fears the opinion of others that it might not align with one's view of self.

What I do because of this is that I stop saying what I think because I'm afraid of being contradicted, and finding out I was wrong. If I never speak, I can deceive myself that I am never wrong!

Perhaps this is the matter of self-hatred and deprecation, 'low self-esteem' as we like to say these days. I can't quite tease whether it is the same thing or only part of the same thing. (Pray tell if you have an idea.)

The shame of being wrong eventually froze me so that I stopped even trying to be honest about what I think is true. I never learned that what I think is not who I am- I somehow associated my thoughts with my self. So for me to be okay I had to be right... but I see it is more freeing to be a who which has thoughts, rather than a who-thought ( :) ).


I have a strongly held idea. When I sense that others might disagree with it, I want to articulate it so carefully that they cannot disprove it. I do that because I hold their opinion so high (fear of man) that their contradicting my idea must mean I am wrong, or must be some attack on me. I so much want to be right (arrogance, pride) that I fear contradiction, as if others are the authority and can overturn my own understanding of reality.

What I struggle with is due to some very odd fears I've had since I was a very young child of being out of alignment with Reality. Hopefully that puts in some light why this all has so much power over me.

To Let Others Love You

As we hold back speaking truth to others, we prevent them from being able to be grateful to and for us. We hide ourselves from shame and correction and therefore nobody can know and love us. We do not give others the honour of being able to correct us; it is sacrifice to let go of our pride and potentially be wrong. It is respect to another person to speak our mind when we may be wrong and let our wrongness shine strong if it is there. It is not hiding our shame, our incompleteness and our imperfection.