Pride and Fear of Man

Can we be proud and fear others at the same time?

Perhaps one is both because of the other. Because of one's pride, one's high opinion of self, one fears the opinion of others that it might not align with one's view of self.

What I do because of this is that I stop saying what I think because I'm afraid of being contradicted, and finding out I was wrong. If I never speak, I can deceive myself that I am never wrong!

Perhaps this is the matter of self-hatred and deprecation, 'low self-esteem' as we like to say these days. I can't quite tease whether it is the same thing or only part of the same thing. (Pray tell if you have an idea.)

The shame of being wrong eventually froze me so that I stopped even trying to be honest about what I think is true. I never learned that what I think is not who I am- I somehow associated my thoughts with my self. So for me to be okay I had to be right... but I see it is more freeing to be a who which has thoughts, rather than a who-thought ( :) ).


I have a strongly held idea. When I sense that others might disagree with it, I want to articulate it so carefully that they cannot disprove it. I do that because I hold their opinion so high (fear of man) that their contradicting my idea must mean I am wrong, or must be some attack on me. I so much want to be right (arrogance, pride) that I fear contradiction, as if others are the authority and can overturn my own understanding of reality.

What I struggle with is due to some very odd fears I've had since I was a very young child of being out of alignment with Reality. Hopefully that puts in some light why this all has so much power over me.