When in Doubt, Praise

In around the last fifty years, give or take, a fad relating to the idea of 'self-esteem' has been growing. This seems to be in some way (whether loosely or closely) related to notions of tolerance, kindness (which to me is more 'niceness'), and in general the middle class's working theory of how mental health works. However, I don't know how much of this has come from psychology and how much of it is the invention of the wishful thinking of common man.

So our newish idea of how to be kind and good to any other person is to do that which builds up self-esteem. You should not do that which would make a person lose their confidence or zest for accomplishment. What you do matters directly in relation to the other person's quantity of self-esteem. You are responsible for how much you damage the other person's sense of self.

It seems to have resulted in very wishy-washy parenting in which we try to show love enough that the child could not possibly have low self-esteem. Tell them they did a good job, even if the A they drew looks like unstable architecture. Shower them with praise when they do basic everyday stuff. (I understand there is an argument for the first time someone accomplishes something that for the rest of us is normal, but I don't think that children want or need to be showered with praise for that; only told, 'Yes, that's how you do it!')

I understand that to some extent hearing this may rebel against people's moral compasses, thinking how could it hurt to tell someone they're doing a good job, whatever the circumstance? Nowadays, I think we err towards the do-not-criticise side of things, instead of having a sense of pride in how well we can accomplish things; a sense of excellence. Critique needn't be unkind. Good, constructive critique seems far more loving than holding back for the sake of someone's feelings.

I suspect children can sniff that a lot of praise is not genuine nowadays, and I think it may be damaging them. I was very sensitive to whether or not people were serious. I hated to be complimented for something that I knew was mediocre (which may be my pride). Children really like it when adults notice their true accomplishments, and they want to show that they can compete with the best of 'em (even when they can't). 

Somewhere deep down, I think we all really care about this. I could be wrong; maybe it's just me and a few others, but I don't think we actually like to let ourselves slip and do something badly, and to know that we are really no good at anything. Generally speaking, humans seem to like to really accomplish something, not just to be told they accomplished something when that thing is actually meaningless.

From where I stand, the propensity to compliment people for meaningless actions damages our drive to achieve and try new things. It's better to occasionally genuinely compliment something you (the complimenter) actually care about than it is to try to manufacture praise-feelings in yourself and compliment from there.

(First time writing about this, and may have missed some elements. To the future!)

The Good Law

I wanted to go on about the goodness of God's law in the last post, but I knew that that was likely going to be a bit off-topic in talking about law and reason specifically (though goodness comes into reason, in my opinion). So here is a shiny new post to talk about that (queue Firefly theme, for little reason).

It's worth saying that at the same time I realised that the definition of a (good) law includes reason, it was clear that for God to be good, He must be logical, rational, and perfectly right. His law would be the perfectest of laws, the one that fits real reality (velveteen rabbit reality... ahem, sort of a joke). It would be the most beautiful law, because it really does fit, like a perfect glove, and like a joke that is so spot-on. It would be the thing that ties together all the myriad elements of existence into a perfect whole (only because it is the law by which they were created). I could nearly write poetry on this, so I must stop before I run off the end of the page.

One is reminded of Psalm 19, which I have come to love, even though I likely don't fully comprehend it. All of the praise and joy in the law of the Lord was not clear to me until these ideas above really sank in. Then it all opens up; it's not tedious, it's not boring. Instead it's vibrant and rich and deep and intense. Yes: these passages basically were boring and tedious to me at one point. I was very self-conscious of that as I knew it wasn't right to find them so.

(It might be wrong to do so, but I'm going to dissect out the pieces that particularly pertain. I've included in parentheses some phrase alternatives from the notes of my KJV Bible.)

PSALM 19
1. The heavens declare the glory of God; and the firmament showeth his handiwork.
2. Day unto day uttereth speech, and night unto night showeth knowledge.
3. There is no speech nor language, where their voice is not heard.
4.a Their line (rule or direction) is gone out through all the earth, their words to the end of the world.
...
7. The law (doctrine) of the LORD is perfect, converting (restoring) the soul: the testimony of the LORD is sure, making wise the simple.
8. The statutes of the LORD are right, rejoicing the heart: the commandment of the LORD is pure, enlightening the eyes.
9. The fear of the LORD is clean, enduring for ever: the judgments of the LORD are true (truth) and righteous altogether.
10. More to be desired are they than gold, yea, than much fine gold: sweeter also than honey and the honeycomb.
11. Moreover by them is thy servant warned: and in keeping of them there is great reward.
...


And then there's the connection between the Law of God and the idea of the Logos, of Jesus Christ... on and on into the rabbit trails we go, but I'll leave that to percolate for awhile.

Reason

I feel totally insufficient to address any of the topics I want to write about. I must accept that I am insufficient, and I might make a fool of myself, and here goes, anyway!

--

I know other people who probably have more book-learning on this topic. My relationship with reason is that I can't imagine doing without it, and it seems to have been a natural companion of mine from a young age. In recent years, I've seen how much I thought about how things worked together to find out what was right and true. As a child I didn't picture myself as looking at how things worked; I was constantly berating myself for not knowing things.

(This doesn't mean I'm a 'thinker', as some say, though when I was younger, I really wanted to be a reasonable and rational person; I suppose I thought you could make it so. Eventually I poured the cold water on my head, and the cat is out of the bag.)

Reason is essential to all of life. Is it not the makeup of reality, of all that is corporeal and incorporeal? This fits with the kind of Biblical perspective I have, which proposes that God created the world according to His character, part of which is His Lawfulness.

When I was a child, I knew there is a tendency to view law as an arbitrary list of things you ought and ought not to do. So I sort of thought that way, but I also rebelled against that view of it (perhaps on an emotional level), because it doesn't make sense. But throughout my early teenage years, it all began to solidify that law ought to make sense; it ought to fit the circumstances, and that the only law that really, really matters (God's Law) must be truly right (morally and practically), or else one should not subscribe to it.

Ultimate law (in the sense of that which pertains to God and objectivity) is by its nature a reasonable thing. It is a thing of God's form and nature, this ultimate-law-ness, and the world, being created out of God's desire for it (and thus whatever is in His nature), is a reasonable world, functioning according to laws and ordinances that He gave it, according to His perfect nature. And humans, being made in God's image, have in ourselves a share of this thing that is of God more directly than His creation, to willfully use it to come up with ideas from which we can create and do things.

Perhaps it might seem far-fetched to some people to connect the moral law with reason.


And on that blunt note I'll meander off into obscurity. Thoughts to be developed further in future, most likely. Please bear with the possibly unstructured and random nature of this obviously-not-essay.

So It Begins

So here I am, again, trying a go at a blog. This time, it is not a 'life blog', but an attempt to get ideas out of my head, and to allow others to know what's on my mind- what I'm working through.

Along with the obvious reasons for doing this, the blog is an exercise in learning to be wrong; to say things that might be proven wrong later, to say things that include mistakes, to learn not to take what I say so seriously. I have a need to be perfect, correct, and I have said so little of what I think because of that. I qualify statements a lot, and this is why. It's enough of a reason to get therapy.

With God's help, I mean to stand for objective truth, for objective standards, against all the ocean-like pressure to cave to the feelings and mores of the specific age I live in.

Please leave comments, if you feel like it. Please say what you really think- politely, of course. Ask questions, add thoughts that spring to mind.

(If you're looking for 100% accuracy in what I post here, perhaps you should search Google or read Wikipedia instead, for obvious reasons related to their infallibility.)