Perhaps I'm conflating faith and hope, which are not necessarily the same thing. But perhaps all, or most, of the heavenly virtues are tied together, and must work in concert (a question for another day).
I mean faith as specifically trusting God with my different cares; believing He really exists and has a purpose in all things. Hope comes out of that, it seems, as if you really have faith, odds are you'll hope that things will, of course, turn out as they ought to, as distinct from 'as you want them to'.
Intellectually, I believe that God's purpose absolutely and completely is what is best. It's based on all sorts of different... evidences, let us call them. There's the reason part of it, and there's the emotional justification I have from my experiences, and there's the actual evidence in my own life. But: I don't believe it all the time and probably have never believed it with my whole being. Believing it so much so that I believe that all things will work for my good (and for the good of all the rest of the children of God). To believe that every single thing that happens is exactly what ought to happen for the greatest good, even if it feels painful in the moment. We are told that God will chasten us sore (I think one Psalm says it that way in the King James Version).
Sometimes I actually feel that way; that all happens as it ought to... I probably wouldn't be writing this if I weren't feeling it just a bit right now. The idea of God chastening me sore sounds sometimes like the most wonderful, beautiful, lovely thing. Of course, when He actually does it, it doesn't feel that way. It wouldn't be chastening sore if we liked it in the moment. But sometimes I just know that, since it is what I need, I will be very, very glad it happened later on.
(I am running off in tangents... this isn't even what I meant to be talking about.)
The difficulty is that as I fall deeper into what may be anxiety, depression, and definitely also acedia (do look it up), I lose a hold on what I intellectually believe to be true, and what I have sometimes felt was true. (As usual) C. S. Lewis said something about this in Mere Christianity, because he would do that:
Faith ... is the art of holding on to things your reason has once accepted, in spite of your changing moods.
Which (but my brain is very muddled, so pardon me) may be a different use of the word 'faith' than what I am talking about. Or else it is the same, because faith in God is believing in Him even when your emotions are not feeling it one stinking bit. Believing that what you once knew is still true, even though you don't feel it now. If we believed things according to our whims (our thoughts at any particular time), we'd be the most fickle creatures. Thank God that we do still believe facts even when we don't feel like it. Perhaps it's especially evident in the case of emotional truths, but I think it may apply to 'rational' ones, too.
My friend Lady W. once reminded me of this, and I have since forgotten it, of course. In our doubt, we are not less Christians than when we feel-believe. Faith is not a feeling; it is a choice. It is choosing to believe what we once knew to be true (granted we're not always right).
Now I shall run off and write about courage as it ties into this, which is what I meant to write about.
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